First Dates and Self Defense Reminders

My favorite part of the weekend

Is preparing for that first date.

Taking an hour-long shower

Shaving my legs above my knees

Putting on a face mask

Using that special auburn eyeshadow

And that Russian Red Mac,

A test whether he can kiss me without ruining my lipstick.


Preparing for that first date,

Flaunting everything in front of my roommates

From lingerie, dress, shoes, and coat,

Asking for approval- I am sorry, advice

That this is just enough,

But not too much.


Preparing for that first date,

Opening the top drawer of my kitchen cabinet

Choosing the sharpest medium-size knife in there

And putting it in my bag,

Just in case I need to defend myself.


Preparing for that first date,

Taking a picture of myself,

Myself just enough but not too much,

Smiling in the mirror

And sending it to a group chat,

Just in case the police wants to know

The last thing I was wearing.


Preparing for that first date,

Buying extra data for my phone

And setting an alarm clock for every thirty minutes

To send my location to my best friend

And a text saying

I am fine, do not send a search party, I am still in one piece,

For now, talk to you in half an hour.


Preparing for that first date,

My friends saying

Be careful, be smart,

Take a condom, and a pepper spray,

Just in case.


Preparing for that first date

I am still optimistic,

That knife never felt the taste of blood

And my pepper spray is still unopened.

I am still optimistic,

Practicing the number of the police on my way there.

I am still optimistic,

I never once had to use my self-defense skills.

I am still optimistic,

But just in case.