She Says

She says,

Close your eyes, sink into the chair,

You are at home,

She says,

You are at home,

Tell me what you see, tell me where you are.

 

I say,

Litter box,

I say,

I do not like cats,

Say,

Mice are all gone,

I can feel them inside of me,

Their little claws up and down my throat,

I can feel them climbing up my legs,

I say,

I am the mice,

Up and down my throat,

Up and down all day long.

 

She says,

Enough,

She says,

Stop,

Says,

Tell me about home.

 

Tell you about what?

 

She says,

You are at home, tell me where you are.

 

I say,

This is an airport and there is nobody waving me goodbye.

 

She says,

Where are you going?

 

I say,

I don’t know,

Does it even matter after all?

 

She says,

What is on the other side?

 

I say,

Cats,

Cats out to get the mice up and down my throat.

 

She says,

Stop the metaphors, stop the poetry,

Tell me who is at home,

Is it your mother, your best friend, your first love, your last one night stand?

 

I say,

I don’t know,

Does it even matter after all?

 

She says,

This is why you carry a large bag everywhere you go,

A clean pair of underwear and a toothbrush,

She says,

This is why you ask him to stay,

And him, and him, and him.

 

You cannot make homes out of people,

She says,

There is no one on the other side,

She says.

 

I say,

I know,

I say,

I do not like cats,

I know.

 

I say,

This is an airport,

And there is no one waving me goodbye,

There is no one waiting on the other side,

It does not feel like home,

But it is,

I know.

 

So leave the bag,

She says,

Stop sleeping with an extra pillow,

That is not home,

She says

 

I know,

I say,

But I cannot stop the mice up and down my throat

From wanting to play with cats,

Airport is home,

I say,

But I am going somewhere.