The X-Files

He asks about my ex

And I want to say the truth

I want to say the mainstream we wanted different things,

Forget to say that I wanted to marry him

And he wanted to fuck other women,

Forget to say that I left somebody who needed my help

And I do not know if he had a drug problem or a he problem

Drowning in the ocean of lost currents

And maybe this is why the Atlantis sank,

But I used up all of my life rafts and crashed my hollows over too many hidden cliffs

To be left aimless in the center of whenever.

 

He asks about my tattoos

And I recite the poem I learned when I was 12,

Forget to tell him who held my hand the first time I felt a needle jabbing into my nerves

That afternoon when he was looking into my eyes

And I asked him not to say what he wanted to say

Because I knew that we were going to drown,

Forget to tell him that maybe this is why I cannot stop now

Maybe this is why every time I go home I revisit the same salon,

Forget to tell him that he hated my tattoos

Or maybe he just hated me.

 

I want to ask him about his ex,

Want to ask him if he stopped travelling now

Because he travelled half the world with her,

If when I read the stamps from his passport

It is like needles jabbing into his nerves.

I want to ask him about the ocean,

Whether she was the Atlantis or the Rome

And if there was no ocean

Would we even be having this conversation.

 

I want to ask but I am afraid to know

And maybe this is why I forgot to tell him so much,

Maybe it doesn’t even matter anymore,

When he says we do not need to talk about this

We already talked about this,

The truth is I have nothing to say about this or them

But I am still writing this poem

 

Even though I do not know how it ends.